You filthy bitch, you've done it to me again! How the hell do I keep failing at these projects!? Maybe it's because I didn't check my gauge, or maybe it's because all the Stitch and Bitch Patterns are against me. I'm sure that it's not your fault Ms. Stoller, I'm just so angry.... I love the patterns, I do, it's just that they don't love me back!
So after months of searching for the same yarn time after time, and hours upon hours of knitting, Muriel's lil' devil pants are FINALLY finished, but here's the thing, they aren't the right size.... at all.... in fact, they fit me. And I'm not small.... yup, I accidently knit myself some lil' devil shorts. (That sounds trampy, like sweat pants with "Juicy" written on the bum... no one should wear those by the way, if your wearing them take them off, now, it's embarrasing.) Although I'll admit, they are still cute.... even on me.
I'm pissed, and deffinately heart broken. I worked so, so hard on them, I stuck with it (like my nerotic brain would actually let me quit) and Muriel won't even get to wear them for what, another 12 years? Not only did I fail SIZE WISE, I couldn't even get the damn drawstring holes right! Yup, same side. I feel so stupid! How did I not see that particular fuck up until I was sewing the seams together! How did I confuse the pattern so badly that I made full size ADULT shorts, instead of 18 month pants! I honestly didn't think that I was a complete airhead, in fact, I at one point in my life thought I was pretty smart. But you know what, I'm obviously not. I've been knitting for a good 4 years now, and I still to this day, obviously can not figure out a simple patten.
I cried a little tonight. When I showed my husband the pants I'd been bragging about, he actaully started laughing. He's usually pretty sensitive to my knitting failures, so it's really something when he actually laughs out loud. I think he was as suprised as I was when I figured out that they actually fit me. This really reminds me of my first sweater.....
A long time ago, in a living room far, far, away, I was learning to knit......
Okay so after knitting a few dozen scarves, I thought that I had learned enough about knitting to take on a sweater. So, I found a pattern for one in this huge 1970's knitting reference book given to me by my Grandma and plunged ahead. I changed a few things about the pattern as I went on, you know little things like making the cuff a few inches longer on the sleeve and not adding the pop up collar, nothing major. Changes that I still, to this day, would think nothing of making. However, for some reason everything about this sweater went wrong! Litterally WRONG. By the time I was finished this so called "sweater" was so delapidated that there was no way it could have been considered a sweater for anyone but a midget gorilla. The sleeves were approximately 12 feet long, the body of it was more than double the width it was supposed to be, oh and not to mention it was SHORT, like, 80's guy cut off T-shirt short. It couldn't have been more than 6" long total. It was rediculous! I still lie awake at night wondering how it went so wrong, I do not know what the fuck happened. I guess I should have taken it as an omen to stop knitting, right then but in case you hadn't noticed I'm a little stubborn. But I got my revenge!
Have you ever gotten one of those pink stickers on your recycling bags cause there was something in there that shouldn't have been? Well I'm pretty sure they invented those because I decided to recycle my midget gorilla sweater..... Take that bad pattern!
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